The Chaos of Pain

“The pain isn’t getting worse, your tolerance for it is becoming less.”
Tanouye Tenshin Roshi

In many Zen training schools the practise of Zazen (sitting) is an integral part of their training regimen. For most of us, sitting cross legged, in half lotus or full lotus can be a very painful experience. And yet it is from these positions that students are encouraged to meditate. Students are encouraged to concentrate on breathing, posture and balance.

The pain however can become all encompassing, interferring in the ability to concentrate on anything else. When I first began trying to achieve full lotus I found it extremely painful. Some stretches still are very, very painful indeed for me to hold. But I persist, and for good reason.

Pain is yet another metaphor for personal growth. Please note, I am not talking about injury. I am talking about pain. I do not advocate assuming a posture that has a good chance of causing an injury. Build up your abilites slowly.

Waiting out the Pain

So here’s the drill. Many of you haven’t been able to perform the 3 hour sit because of the sheer terror of facing your own thoughts. If you put yourself in pain it becomes a way of potentially reaching a quiet mind without as much time required.

For me, the drill goes like this. Assume full lotus or a posture that is painful to hold but not impossible to hold. It just requires some discipline to persist. It requires willpower. Once you’re in that position maintain it for a period of 20 minutes or longer if possible.

Immediately, your mind will go berserk as you will yourself to hold the position. Watching the clock, thinking about how long there is to go and reapplying your will continue in a circular fashion for dominance.

Time vs. Will

The trick here is to make sure the time you hold the stretch is longer than your willpower can last. Either make it more painful or make it last longer in order to outlast your own determination. Eventually we reach the main point of the exercise. Eventually we have to let go of the pain. We can’t ignore it, fight it or hope it will go away. The fight won’t last forever.

You see, whatever we dwell upon grows. When you fight the pain you give it strength. You must learn to surrender to it. This is achieved by relaxing as much as possible. Deep breathing can facilitate this. Breathe deeply and relax into the pain, surrendering to the outcome. I often say to myself, “If it’s gonna break, break.” But I refuse to fight. I let the body respond to the pain as it sees fit. After a while you will come to a point of inner peace. The pain will still be there but it will feel separate. You will feel detached from your pain.

Hold the posture until you feel no resistence to the pain coming from your body. The demons of the ego will have tried to lure you into its grasp. They will be crying out to be noticed. But instead of fighting the pain we surrender and our inner gaze reveals the fear that has held us back. We must have no fear when facing our inner demons. As much as we seek to be rid of the fear of others, so too must we rid ourselves of the fearful thoughts we entertain.

Good luck and go ‘break a leg’.