One of my life changing stories
by Shel

Haydn: Firstly an interruption from me. For those of you who don’t know Shel she is an exceptional person in a number of ways. Her enthusiasm, intelligence and selflessness are inspirational and contagious. Shel is one of those people that have the best interests of all things around her at heart. Brutal has been blessed by her presence. I hope you’re around for years to come. Oh yeah, she also hits hard, very hard. Take it away Shel…

A bit of background first. To paint a picture, I feel fully successful. I am married and madly in love. I have an awesome family and an amazing Dad who I idolise, I have my adored Staffy Bohdi. I am confident. I’m focussed. I’m successful at sport. I have professionally achieved and I’ve just started my dream job. I have it all, love, family, friends, career, happiness.  Life is peachy.

Then:

Six months into my new marriage, when things starting to settle down, my much loved husband Rick revealed a mental illness - schizophrenia. A condition that had been suppressed by the adrenaline of our high energy relationship. Rick started to self mutilate and attempt suicide when he was in his ‘other’ personality. In sickness and in health, that’s what I signed. I saw it as my job as his wife to protect him and put him back together again and again and again after his fits. I loved him; anyone would do the same right? I never told anyone. At the same time he stopped touching me, after such a fully passionate first 18 months together, I didn’t understand. No matter how many sex toys, DVD’s, pieces of sexy lingerie or xxx waxes I got, nothing helped. I know now that due to his condition, there were always other people in the bedroom with us, talking to him. I did not know this at the time and I started to feel very unattractive and undesired. My self esteem dived.

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